The Tragedy

Yesterday, I went to have my lunch with my ex-housemate, B and my friend from camp, Myh. I had Honey Fried Rice while both of them had Tomyam. I wanted to tell B about what happened recently, but she doesn’t seemed interested, probably because Myh was there.

I didn’t expect this. We sat at this table nearby the counter. While I sat, I saw a few guys were lining up to the counter. And one of them was wearing this beige-gray coloured hoodie. He was quite tall. From the look of his back, I think, I know who it was. After a few seconds, he turned his back, and my prediction?

HELL YES. It’s Y. 

It’s been a while since I met him. The last time I met him was exactly a month ago when we had our Calculus exam at the library hall. Aaaaand, this.. this is the first time I met him in Semester 3. I’ve longed to see him, and I guess… there he is.. standing right behind his friends, in front of Zy. Honestly? I got so excited when I saw him, but I managed control my emotions, and just kept telling myself to shut it up. “Relaxxx…. Chill… ” I told myself. After a moment, he.. saw me. He put up his hand and wave right at me, with a smile. That smile… the smile that melted my heart. My heart skipped a beat, and I waved back at him, with a smile. 

I remembered what Zyy told me before about Y, Zy said that he had no idea, had nothing to talk to me. But that didn’t make me stop liking him.  

I guess that’s all. Nothing happened in between. How I wished I could just.. talk to him. Apart from that, I saw Zy behind him. I didn’t approach Zyy at all. I don’t know why. Probably because of what happened during our skype session. About Zyy being so protective of me. And about me hanging out with Ks, Ai, Qinah, Im and Acp. We had band practice again. But I didn’t tell Zyy. I just told him that I was with Ai and Qinah, basically that’s all. I didn’t want him to get in the way between me and my band, since Zy personally told me that he’s a bit jealous with THEM guys hanging out with me. *sighhhh  I just don’t know what his problem is. 

After we had lunch, Myh made her move, and she wanted to go back to her apartment. Soo, B and I had a chit chat. I told her about him, until I didn’t realized that it was almost time for class. 

B: (MY NAME) ! What happened? I thought you said you’re moving on??! 

Honestly B, I am trying to move on. But how could I move on if Zy keeps on giving me hope? Keeps on pulling me back in? He’s being irresistibly charming recently, for whatever reason it is.. well I have no idea. I never wanted any of this to happen, nor have any intentions. I saw him last night, at the mosque. He was performing his prayers, and then I realized that he was wearing the same colour as my shawl. I have no idea why, I seemed so amazed, watching him pray. Probably because I find religious guys.. hot. Maybeeee… And I was thinking to myself, that… I want to get married with religious guys.. well not superbly religious.. just well.. religious as in, he’s takes his responsibility as what a muslim should be. Knowing the good and the bad… At that moment, I just wished that one day, I would have that moment with my husband, praying together, in the future. InsyaAllah, one day. 

Like today, he texted me that he likes the way I laugh. He said that my laugh.. is cute. Aww. No one has ever said that to me that before.. Hmmm Zyy, please tell me, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? Cause I really don’t know and it’s bothering me!! ;’(